Thursday, July 8, 2010

It's gonna be ok

I'm workin' out the date issue at work. I just need to calm myself the hell down. It ain't easy though, especially in that work environment. Seemed like no amount of xanax helped yesterday.. but I made it. Every nerve in my body feels electric and not in a good way. There's just SO much goin' on there all of a sudden and my future is on the line with all of it. Pressure much??

But Lord, I'm tryin'. I keep tellin' myself "just be calm, don't worry about today, it's gonna work out one way or the other".

The trouble is, it could work out with me havin' some money to live on, or retiring broke. That's a big IF to have no control over. Know what I mean? I guess I'm also pretty damn mad actually, to be forced to this point to have to leave now. But that's been their whole goal anyway. They've made it so miserable and hard so that I can't finish to my goal of five more years (at least not without havin' a heart attack or stroke like a friend my age there just did). And I would have worked happily if not for these forced job changes and all the other bs that's been goin' on. If I wanted the easy way out, the doctor has already wanted to pull me out of work completely at least three different times now, but I wanted to work as much as I could.

OH well.... i can't complain. But yes I can cuz it's my blog and I'm the one livin' this life.

So there. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go put on my noose-badge and do it all again.

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