Friday, October 15, 2010

Yeah.. a sick day.

I'd pretty much diagnose myself with a case of "heartsick". Bad.

This picture of dad is from this past summer, but he doesn't look like that now... I think my old mountain man dad, and a true legend in his own time.... is finally giving up. He wouldn't go back to the hospital when supernurse insisted. He wouldn't and couldn't do as much therapy as the nursing home wanted, so they sent him home. Insurance issues, ya know. But I know the real reason cuz he told me... he said he could do therapy any' ole time - but he wanted to spend as much time with his kids as he could while each of us was there...

So sister the supernurse along with the one sister in law dad hates (and the one with whom I had words) are down there now tryin' to help Ruthie take care of him. Problem is... they're not lettin' the old mountain man be a MAN and he's fightin' back the only way he can now, by not letting them TELL him what to do anymore. I believe he knows he's not gonna hunt that mountain again or pull down another trophy rack. Hell, I believe he knows he's most likely not gonna get to walk down his front stairs anymore or sit in his yard and watch the bees. Knowin' that kind of stuff and havin' absolutely no control over your body and who's doin' what is a hard thing and I know for certain cuz I've been there. And havin' your younguns havin' to clean your bed would make most any man ashamed... let alone that old mountain man. And sometimes those that are so bent on the "savin'" can't see the forest for the trees. And can't understand how it shames him to have to let them do it. And so he gives up and his body gets weaker. And his little dog now blind and deaf and 16 years old (picture on my banner) and still alive and loves to be petted, is waitin' for him.

I guess the best thing I can do now is stand back and let my dad be the man he IS... and keep on prayin' HARD that what's mean to be, is meant to be. But it sure does hurt.


Stacie said...

I feel so sad for you right now. I wish there was something I could do.
Spend as much time your dad as you can. Your dad is lucky to have such a loving and caring daughter such as yourself.

BIG, GIANT ((((((((HUGS)))))))

Sheepish Annie said...

There are really no words...just know I'm keeping you both in my thoughts. ::hugs::

Kat said...

Hard thoughts.... can't say much through the tears I'm not letting fall. I know exactly where you're at..... hugs, prayers & love

Kath said...

I think you've got it right there - he needs to keep as much of his pride intact as he can, many people just don't get that. All I can think of is that who he really is, the heart and soul of a man, is what's inside of him and doesn't change, no matter what happens to his body.