Monday, October 4, 2010
And this was a sunrise one morning over the hospital parking lot. I feel like I've just emerged from some kind of black hole vortex where time and sense of days is just a blur. Not only has it been heartbreaking to go through this with my dad, but it has also been an excruciatingly painful journey of seeing "true colors" among family during the worst of times. ::huge, gigantic, huge sigh:: But there have been some really funny times too and I truly have seen several miracles in the past few weeks. With my own eyes. And I am not kidding. And I fully intend to tell you allllll about them with many pictures from the trusty iphone for evidence... and I'll warn you by saying you should bring coffee if you're gonna read those posts. *grin*. After thinking they were gonna lose dad twice, he rallied to get out of the ICU and he just finally got settled in what passes in West Virginia as a nursing home. Total Joke... and NOW I know why I felt like I had to stay as long as I did. Good thing too. So the plan is to just see how he does and get him some nutrition and therapy and the rest will be up to the Lord God Himself. And Oh... the STORIES I'm gonna tell you over the next little while! I've met some very interesting people along the way :) And I have other surprises to tell you too.
But anyway.. dad is AMAZINGLY better. This is truly one of the miracles I may have mentioned. My hand to God... Dad says something "happened" to him yesterday... he said he felt like he had been "reborn" and he is planning to "take back his life" and that after a lifetime of thinking he was no good - being a falling down drunk most of his life, illiterate and mostly just plain mean as a freakin' snake - I mean he WAS shootin' people and stuff.... suddenly he has had the realization that he doesn't have to be ashamed anymore. Suddenly he knows absolutely he is as good as any other man and maybe a little better for at least bein' a man of his word (which is what I've been tryin' to tell him for about the past 20 years or so) and his goal now is to make it back up to that mountain to sit under a tree one last time. Or maybe shoot just one more really big buck... That's my dad *grin*.
Amen. And Amen And totally freaking AMAZING to hear that old mountain man talk like that. I mean I do believe my jaw might have dropped a little. I don't know that I'll EVER figure out exactly what happened there.. but I do believe after seein' it with my own eyes, the old man might actually be able to squeak out a few more days or even years on the mountain before it's all said and done. He said he's learned he has to be careful. He said he knew he was doin' it to himself, starvin' himself to death and not gettin' checked out when he kept gettin' sicker - but he said he just didn't care. But he says now he cares. And I'm so proud of how hard he's working to get there that my heart could burst when I watch him fight for each breath... except that I think my heart sort of already bursted about a week or so ago in that ICU... just sayin'. It got pretty ugly. But the part of the heart that remains sure is thankful for what I've had - and looking forward to every bit more I get with him.
I am SO blessed. Thank you so much for thoughts, emails and prayers and offers to talk if I needed to. Internet signal is almost non existent on the mountain.. and things were too hectic to coordinate that AND a fully charged phone - but I did see the comments from time to time and they absolutely held me up when there was nothing else and I really can't tell you how much that meant during some insanely intense and surreal days. And all I can say is "Thank you" .
I am amazingly and abundantly blessed. And Amen again.