I didn't think it was gonna hit me as hard as it has... but I'm such a tender soul... I should have known.
I pretty much haven't been able to move from the couch for two days.. and I keep being overwhelmed with the crying. And not the polite little tears... this is the big time... the kind of sloppy, loud, heaving sobs that you get when you're heart is broken. There is no drink or drug that seems to be able to help that.
It also didn't help that the vet (a long time family friend who has seen this little dog play in my backyard) couldn't get the vein.... and as I looked down I saw a river of blood streaming down my little dog's leg. The nurse grabbed a giant handful of gauze and tried to stop the flow as best they could. Then as the doctor came in and shaved my little dog's other leg for better vein access.... I looked into his little eyes and saw a tear run down his face. Seconds later he was gone.
I carried him home on my lap as I drove - and buried him as best, and as quick as I could... before all his warmth was gone..
And I will never be the same.