Friday, October 9, 2009

I might have to take a little blog break.

I didn't think it was gonna hit me as hard as it has... but I'm such a tender soul... I should have known.

I pretty much haven't been able to move from the couch for two days.. and I keep being overwhelmed with the crying. And not the polite little tears... this is the big time... the kind of sloppy, loud, heaving sobs that you get when you're heart is broken. There is no drink or drug that seems to be able to help that.

It also didn't help that the vet (a long time family friend who has seen this little dog play in my backyard) couldn't get the vein.... and as I looked down I saw a river of blood streaming down my little dog's leg. The nurse grabbed a giant handful of gauze and tried to stop the flow as best they could. Then as the doctor came in and shaved my little dog's other leg for better vein access.... I looked into his little eyes and saw a tear run down his face. Seconds later he was gone.

I carried him home on my lap as I drove - and buried him as best, and as quick as I could... before all his warmth was gone..

And I will never be the same.


Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry, Mia.

Kath said...

Oh woman - my heart goes out to you - you take all the time you need. I started bawling just reading your post. I wish I could settle down next to you on the couch and pass you fresh kleenex when you need them. But I'm there with you in spirit, and I'll still be here when you're ready to face the world again.

Carolyn (Harbor Hon) said...

My heart is heavy for you and I wish I could be there to talk about the happy times you spent with your sweet Gizzy. I'm praying that God will comfort you in the days ahead. Take your time, sweet girl. xxoo

Sheepish Annie said...

I know those tears. They are hard and they don't stop until there are none left to shed. I'm so sorry, both for the loss and for how much extra pain was involved in doing the right thing. Take whatever you need for time and do what you have to do. There is just no other way.

Sending lots and lots of hugs your way.


Oh Sweetie. Lots of us hugging our doggies tonight and wishing there was something we could do to give you peace. Hope you can feel the love for a heart so big you were able to open it up, even in the midst of all your garbage, and notice the love from a creature who just wanted to give his little life to you. Sounds like you were both very lucky. I am, as always, astounded by your loving spirit. Please, please, be well.