Sunday, August 16, 2009

What is happening to me?

Maybe it's Alzheimers... cause I'm readin' a book about a lady that has it and she's startin' to sound a little like me. joking.... a little... But then again... how can I not understand I am just one? I just got done cookin' a whole grill full of wings. And ate one. That is so seriously sad - to have a whole platter of wings and no one willin' to come and get 'em.

oh well. And yesterday I thought it was Sunday, but I was SO glad to find out it wasn't.. and I've been tryin' hard to enjoy the day... The whole day since I've been up since 3 am. I don't know why that is, but most days lately, that's my wake up time.

And tomorrow's Monday and I do not want to think about that.

So I'm goin' back out to the shed now. I've been workin' hard out there cleanin' stuff up in between cocktails and I don't really care what time it was when I started. And bought a new glass cutter. I'm prayin' some project or other will catch my attention... I need something to focus on that doesn't take much attention.. know what I mean? It's been a wild week and Friday I got some more news.. I'm gonna be a gramma. Kind of. My adopted son - child of my heart - the one who I loved before I knew him, took him to my heart and never looked back... the same one who ran away to Chile when he was 18 to be with a girl, while I was still healing from my bad surgery, and shortly thereafter stopped calling me mom (kill me now.. and again and again.. because that one little thing did it - that was huge - and we haven't much talked for a couple years. He says now he doesn't remember much about it and maybe the "mom" feeling towards me will come back.) Now he's back in contact... to tell me he's getting married, and the baby is due in January. In Santiago, Chile.

He doesn't yet want to call me mom again, but he wants my help naming his son...

Heavy shit.



When my children were 10,12,14 I lost a custody fight with a very unkind ex. My youngest defied his Dad and sisters never missing a visitation or vacation. The middle daughter called me the day she moved into her college housing and we have been very tight ever since-we never discussed the 6 years she refused to talk to me. We talk many many times a week now. The older daughter took longer but I expect her and her wife to be arriving in a few minutes. We vacation together, chat frequently and see each other probably every other weekend. We have never discussed the 7 years apart. A bit of drinking prompted the middle one to beg for forgiveness and tell me she was afraid of me finding out stuff they did to us for her Dad. I just sucked up all the pain, was so happy to have them back and realized it will never be settled or cleared-so what? Even in your writing I can feel that you know, KNOW, that while you were apart and he may have behaved very badly, he never ever stopped loving you. When his ego shuts up, you'll be Mom again. & Gradma-congratulations!

Sheepish Annie said...

I think that becoming a parent makes people want to be closer to their own parents. Families are so complicated and it's always hard to know just what makes people do what they do...but this seems like a start. I'll think good thoughts for both of you!

And you'll be the coolest grandmother ever!