And damn the lurkers who get a thrill out of the nightmare of my life. Knock yourselves out 'cuz I'm in a not great place right now... so kick me. This job is killing me... literally. No breaks today, no lunch, and all numbers (my #2 on list of things that cause me great anxiety. Numbers... don't ask me why 'cuz I don't know.) After only 4 weeks. When you have to start off at a 1.5 mg xanax just to get to work, it's an issue. A BIG issue. I talked to the head of HR and he tells me I can take a voluntary demotion (interesting that he would say that since there are only 3 people in my class in the entire place of hundreds... they're doing away with our positions - if someone leaves, they rehire from a different union, and get to pay about half the salary. Just sayin) - the doctor says to get a lawyer. He says my PTSD (and the fact that I still have to work in the same place that caused it), not to mention all the anxiety issues that go along with it - he says it's a disability and my work just isn't payin' attention, no matter what he says. Everyone says I should go out on disability because they know the toll this is takin' on me - but damn! I've been workin' straight on since I was 19 freakin' years old. I have 29 years in and 6 to go at which time I can retire at age 55 with 35 years of service... and a pretty decent pension as well as medical.... both pretty much necessary since I'll be all on my own.
And Lord have mercy.. I am tryin' everything I know how to hang in there. Any extra prayers ya got would be appreciated. Thank you in advance.