A am SUCH a survivor.

And I am blessed. No matter how hard it seems sometimes.. amen.

Yeah well...

Maybe I don't need to workout so hard. Seems I've already lost a size and have absolutely nothing that fits. Was gonna go to the mall today, but after I did a double 360 on the highway and ended up in the guardrail - I thought maybe not.

Just keeping you informed.

Help name the new baby!

No, not the big, lazy, fat kitty - the new workout machine! Oh yeah.. the healthy thing is on like Donkey Kong now. I had a Pilates machine years and years ago but gave it away cuz I didn't have the room for it... but now I do. Half the workout was gettin' it in the house through a foot of snow - that bad boy is made solid. I'm excited bout the CDs that came with it featuring Marjolein Brugman - I like her style - sincere and strong and motivating. We shall see!

Anyway.. if it helps unkink even half of the kinks in my back it will be well worth it ::grin::

Oh Yeah, and the Very Important Hearing that I've been waiting on for two years and was supposed to be today? Cancelled and postponed due to weather.

Oy.. my kinks hurt.

3:00 Update. Friends just stopped by out of the blue. With two shovels and a 12 pack ::laughing::. And the driveway is clear. What an awesome and genuinely NICE spur of the moment thing to do. They're reading and I wanted to make it known ::grin:: Again - THANK YOU!

And I am blessed.

and on a better note...

A picture of dad I just came across from this past summer. You won't probably ever see a "real" mountain man like that again.... Just wanted to share. Not only am I proud beyond words to be his daughter, I'm proud to have had the chance to really "know" him.

Only one in a lifetime could be like him. And Willard was his name. Amen.

Oh Karma, where art thou?

Just came back from the docs. Severe anemia (duh). Scripts for syringes and bottles of stuff. Ewwwwwww. Just sayin'. Just vitamins, but still....

It's gonna be ok though. I've been workin' out. My sugar was high too but the doc said it was due to the stress and cortisol and stuff. I'm not gonna worry about it. I feel good and probably will feel better tomorrow after that shot, but I DO have to get a few iron treatments. Fun. But still./ could be waaaayyyyyy worse and I'm THANKFUL!!!!!

And PS and by the way, no, I'm not really "sick in any way... only my "noives" ::laughing::

Kids, let me tell ya, STRESS can do HELL to your body. Avoid at all costs. Chill out, relax, and keep safe to yourselves. that's my advice.

Through these lessons we become wise.

And I am blessed.

Maybe it's the moon...

But I feel GOOD! I feel better than I can remember and I have absolutely NO idea why.

But I'll take it. I worked myself to death this weekend and it feels good. I rearranged and threw out a lot of junk. Shoveled snow, sorted clothes, magazines and everything else in my path! And it feels good to move and DO something. And I'm thankful that I can. This is the year of getting healthy cuz that's the most precious thing a person can have. And fortunately, for some odd reason, my body has been craving exercise. Imagine that! But it seems that gettin' a good workout is helping the anxiety quite a lot. If I'm not takin' Xanax, my body can't stay still so I've decided that exercise can be as good of a vice as anything else... Just sayin'.

I really can't believe I just said that ::laughing:: but it's the truth. Anyway... I have really good feelings. I think part of it is that just a couple weeks ago, I finally hit my "official" anniversary date of 30 years of working. Thirty lonnnnnng years. After havin' about 16-17 years in with the system, it started getting really important to me to get to 30 although I have no idea why. I think it meant "freedom and security" to me, and Lord knows I've fought my way tooth and nail at times. Years back I even had to walk/hitchhike 2 miles each way to get there. But I did it. I'm still too young to "officially" retire, but it just feels good to know I've got that under my belt and that I did it... for no other reason than to prove to myself I could.

So now the goal is to get fit and healthy as I can be and enjoy the rest of the life that God is good enough to give me... be it one day or 50 years... I'm gonna enjoy it.

I am blessed.

I amuse me.

I swear, I do.... Anyway - we're moving right along on the room project. Except ya know how one project always leads to another or two before ya get back to the main part? Well, at least in my case that's how things go... but I'm excited. It's been years since I've been to a gym and I think it's good to help relieve stress. Just sayin'.

Next week is gonna be a stresser big time. But hopefully in a good way. I got a call out of the blue from the HR guy the other day who said my work is completely behind letting me retire early with disability retirement and they "are doing everything we can behind the scenes" to let it be so. Imagine that!!.

The kitties are gorgeous and doing great but driving me NUTS!!! Little bitty Gracie now loves to watch TV - with her nose touching it. So almost every show I watch is 52" screen with little bitty kitty silhouette in the corner ::sigh:: with a swipe every now and again at a head of an anchorperson. And I got them a new crackle kitty cage that they love -but did I mention CRACKLE?????

So there we are. Happy TGIF everybody. We are blessed.

I'm a wild one..

Ok. So here's my latest idea. I have a small place here, but I have a small living room where I watch tv and zone out - and then I have a "family room" with a fireplace that I never use and no family to use it anymore. That room has pretty much been the kitty play area - but I decided I'm gonna make it a big girl play area *grin*. I mean really.. what's the sense of having a whole room sit there unused just to look pretty??

So it's gonna be my new workout room! Yup. Uh huh it is. I have all kinds of exercise equipment tucked here and there and in closets and who knows where. And exercise DVDs you couldn't believe. This is in no way any kind of resolution cuz I just thought of it today - although I wouldn't mind losing about 15 pounds or so, but the real thing is this...

Since I've been 50 for like a month now - I feel old age startin' to creep in. Yes, it's true! It happens quick I tell ya! I feel like my body is curling and crumpling in ::laughing:: I think it's called "hunched over the computer all day and bein' stuck in the house all winter syndrome" - so I think some good stretchin' is in order. STAT. ::laughing::

I even have one of those things where you hang upside down by your feet... I know.. words don't describe me ;) But I'm prepared for most anything *grin*.

Ok, I'll go now. I have stuff to rearrange.

Hello

Yes. Here I am, remember me? It is Monday morning and me no likey. But then again.. I have a feelin' something good is gonna happen this week. I don't know what but it's in the air. Or maybe that's just cuz the snow finallly melted and I can see spots of grass. Maybe I think it's spring. Who knows. At least it's the other side of winter so we'll get there.

All is quiet on the work front - but that's probably gonna change in the next few weeks. I'm just gonna hold my head up and get on through it, whatever comes. Can't stop water from fallin' - know what I mean? But I gotta funny feelin' it's all gonna be ok.

Happy New Year!

I doubt I'll make it to see the ball drop, but I want to wish you all the best in the new year. Peace. Understanding. Awe. A heart bursting with happiness and someone to hug... and in all honesty, I'm wishing the same for myself. Lord, may it be so.

I've got a couple of pretty important court dates comin' up this month. We shall see what we shall see, but all good thoughts and prayers are much appreciated.

Learning to deal with "me" at 50 years of age isn't turnin' out to be so easy for myself, but I'm a work in progress. I'm facin' some very real issues. Age doesn't mean a thing but it sure as HELL opens your eyes to what's important... although I've known for a while now.... and SO MUCH more so since October 20, 2010. My eyes see clearly what is important. And I've also learned what is not important.

Peace and abundant blessings to you all. Amen.

Numerology can be amazing.

I looked up what my name meant a while back, but thought I'd go back and read it again. This synopsis so accurately portrays for the most part, who I truly am - it's almost scary.... The website says that your true complete name as given at birth is who you truly are .. and it don't lie!

There are 17 letters in your name.Those 17 letters total to 74There are 7 vowels and 10 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 11

The characteristics of #11 are: High spiritual plane, intuitive, illumination, idealist, a dreamer.
The expression or destiny for #11:Your Expression number is 11. The number 11 is the first of the master numbers. It is associated with idealistic concepts and rather spiritual issues. Accordingly, it is a number with potentials that are somewhat more difficult to live up to. You have the capacity to be inspirational, and the ability to lead merely by your own example. An inborn inner strength and awareness can make you an excellent teacher, social worker, philosopher, or advisor. No matter what area of work you pursue, you are very aware and sensitive to the highest sense of your environment. Your intuition is very strong; in fact, many psychic people and those involved in occult studies have the number 11 expression. You possess a good mind with keen analytical ability. Because of this you can probably succeed in most lines of work, however, you will do better and be happier outside of the business world. Oddly enough, even here you generally succeed, owing to your often original and unusual approach. Nonetheless, you are more content working with your ideals, rather than dollars and cents.

The positive aspect of the number 11 expression is an always idealistic attitude. Your thinking is long term, and you are able to grasp the far-reaching effects of actions and plans. You are disappointed by the shortsighted views of many of your contemporaries. You are deeply concerned and supportive of art, music, or of beauty in any form.

The negative attitudes associated with the number 11 expression include a continuous sense of nervous tension; you may be too sensitive and temperamental. You tend to dream a lot and may be more of a dreamer than a doer. Fantasy and reality sometimes become intermingled and you are sometimes very impractical. You tend to want to spread the illumination of your knowledge to others irrespective of their desire or need.

Your Soul Urge number is: 5
A Soul Urge number of 5 means: The 5 soul urge or motivation would like to follow a life of freedom, excitement, adventure and unexpected happening. The idea of travel and freedom to roam intrigues you. You are very much the adventurer at heart. Not particularly concerned about your future or about getting ahead, you can seem superficial and unmotivated.

In a positive sense, the energies of the number 5 make you very adaptable and versatile. You have a natural resourcefulness and enthusiasm that may mark you as a progressive with a good mind and active imagination. You seem to have a natural inclination to be a pace-setter. You are attracted to the unusual and the fast paced.

You may be overly restless and impatient at times. You may dislike the routine work that you are engaged in, and tend to jump from activity to activity, without ever finishing anything. You may have difficulty with responsibility. You don't want to be tied down to a relationship, and it may be hard to commit to one person.

Your Inner Dream number is: 6
An Inner Dream number of 6 means: You dream of guiding and fostering the perfect family in the perfect home. You crave the devotion from offspring and a loving spouse. You picture yourself in the center of a successful domestic unit.

Wanna try it yourself? Here's the link - let me know what you think! Numerology Link

Ohh too funny.

Kind of crude for a Sunday morning but I am still kind of laughing. I woke up to find that mischievous little Gracie kitty - who is everywhere all at once - well last night she apparently tipped a box of "feminine products" and the box landed in her water bowl! I can't even explain why or how funny that looked to me when I got up this morning and saw that box floating. (and yes, before you even ask, I DO intend to do some scientific experiments on how well those products were wrapped). ::laughing::

Ok, so did ya spit out your coffee while you read that?? ::::Laughing::::

I just figured you needed to know *grin*. And I want to tell ya, - my method of buying stuff and not opening it till Christmas worked AWESOME!!! I truly didn't remember exactly what I had gotten, yet each thing i LOVED more than the next. And there will be absolutely NO returns today *grin*. I totally spoiled and pampered myself this year. I needed that. And today I feel new.

I am wildly blessed and thankful beyond measure. Amen.

hmmm...

I'm bewildered by several things today - happy - but still it's strange. But I feel GOOD!

Actually, I feel happy. More so than in a long time. I have the presents already and the colored lights on. Spirits are available when I wish. I've produced myself a lavish snack tray and all is good in my world. I think I'm finally comin' to peace in my soul and that's a gift worth more than anything money can buy.

Merry Christmas one and all - whatever that means in your world. We are blessed beyond what we can comprehend.. but I'm workin' on it comprehendin' my share *grin*.

Christmas blessings to you and yours and God bless us - every one ;) Amen.

Ohhh, Children!

Behave and Believe! Because look what I have seen! Reindeer prints! Santa's been sendin' them to CHECK on me after that last post to see if I truly deserved that pile of presents ;) - but I caught on and found the prints all fresh and crisp in the morning snow (look close, you can see the snow sparkle) not 3 feet from my front door - and I've been really, really good. I don't blame him for doubtin' - but he found out for real *grin*.

We are all so richly blessed. I wish only the warmest and most heartfelt good wishes for all of you and yours. May God bless you with riches more abundant than your mind can dream in the new year.

We are blessed. To the extreme.

Do I Lie??

It looks kinda like a tree if ya squint. But honest to God.. can someone PLEASE tell me how I can get iphone pics to transfer at a decent resolution? I email them at highest quality but can't enlarge them online at ALL. Anyway... just thought I'd share ;)

Hey now!

Sleepin' in feels good! I haven't done it in a long time and today I did. So I think this is the day for the festivus house cleaning - you know - so everything feels good and snuggly. And THEN I shall arrange the mass of boxes into a creative art-deco sort of "tree" shape. ::laughing:: I really didn't need to start Christmas shoppin' for myself in August.. but I did. I guess I'll manage *wink*.

I'm still workin' on just enjoyin' the little bits of good I find in everyday things. It mostly works and when it doesn't, I just try again the next day. I've been reading a lot too which is good - SO handy to have a book app on my iphone. And it is good.

The kitties still kinda love/hate. I just snuggled for a while on the couch with little miss Gracie. She is the daintiest little creature.. and so loving to me... and still tiny. She loves to be in small spaces an often enough I'll see a tiny bump under an afghan or feel a little paw on my knee - but she turns into that West Virginia wildcat when it comes to provoking her much bigger sister.. and she does it just to torment her so she'll chase and play! I can almost see her grinning when big ole Lizabella starts growling - which I have recently found often comes before the really LOUD hissing - I swear! I didn't know cats cold do that!

Anyway. Internal debate going on regarding the baking of cinnamon rolls. I want to.. but then I'd have to eat them all. Awwwwww, poor me *grin*

Oh yeah baby!

I feel GOOD! The first shoveling episode was a challenge - but i look at it like, hey - it's good exercise and it is. And I feel good for it. So now I dare the snow... shall I go ahead and cave and buy a snowblower or can I hold the fort with this snow war?? ::laughing::

I opened one little prezzie today for a reward. I also got some great news in the mail. Well, possibly great. But i MIGHT be able to retire in January!! Think good thoughts for me ;)

And now.. I'm off to do some danger with that pressure cooker *grin* That's always an adventure.

And I am blessed.

It's insane.

This snow. And it's also insane I don't have a snowblower. I could easily afford one and I went to look at one twice in the past few weeks.... but they're just so complicated. I know I'd get out there and start fiddlin' with it and just give up and go ahead and start shovelin' anyway. I mean - honest to God - the lawnmower is still quite enough of a mechanical challenge for me. Why don't they make stuff like that for girls like me? Yeah, sure, it is says electric start, but what about all the oil and gas and choke and gears and stuff??? Huh??????

I'd guess to say I'm not mechanically inclined would be an understatement.

Although I have to tell ya about the other day.... a little boy knocked on my door. He was about in fourth grade or so and was heavin' a big garden shovel, and asked me if I'd like my driveway shoveled out. Took all his strength just to wade through what was to him, the waist high snow to my door. God bless his little heart. I gave him $5 and some candy and told him thanks but no, in the kindest way I could... and when he left I got started - I knew he would have killed himself tryin' to help and I just couldn't do that to the kid... but sure nice to know there are some real "men" around - even if they ARE only still in fourth grade *grin*

Amen. My cousin Nancy and me. I'm on the right. We drank the Bush in honor of my dad.

P.S. - this girl was the first one to ever tell me about the "birds and the bees" when I was 13 years old.. I didn't believe her. ::lmao::

Sunday update: I have wicked cabin fever for REAL. The snow hanging off the edges of the house is so HUGE it feels about like I'm buried alive because it hangs down over the windows! So I've stayed in, but I've managed to keep myself entertained as you can see from yesterday's post - never wise to blog with cocktails *grin*. But I was lookin' through some pics and came across this one taken at dads in October... and I liked it so there ya go.

What is UP with this????

I find myself actually SINGING ALONG to the Christmas tunes on the car radio the last couple of days. WTF?? ::laughing:: Who knew? But the mood I'm in, I think I better buy a lottery ticket. Just sayin'. Maybe two ;)

Yesss!

I have kept up with the feet and feeet of snow and tonight it was CLEAR! I did all my errands on the way home and I'm ready to hunker down and wait for Santa. Except for the part where I still have to work. I still can't really believe it's already that time, but since i just bought some peppermint candy sticks, I know it to be true.

And it's cool. Every single day is coool. I keep tryin' to find some way to make it good - no matter if it is a mini candy cane. Just sayin'. Simple is good too.

Just tryin' to enjoy the moment. and for today. i win.

Wow - cool!

I just found a purse I totally forgot I had - and it's just what I wanted! ::laughing:: I just switched over and I'm using it today. I was really needing something good to happen... so I guess I'll just have to settle for that :)

I've been on a purging binge lately - I was looking at some pictures the other day and saw one of me from about 10 years ago in a bathing suit - the same bathing suit I still wore this past summer!!! So I've decided I've been holdin' on to stuff a tad bit longer than necessary. Now that I am just one, I have no reason to scrimp so much or make stuff last for a hundred years, so the Goodwill has been making out like a bandit and I have much more room in the closets - and some new found good stuff like that purse!

Besides, now that I'm 50, I believe I'm entitled to a "re-do" ::laughing::

On other news, it's been snowing for about a hundred days and there are about a hundred feet of snow out there. I've been trying to keep up with it, but now the method is to just rev the engine of the car and ram it through the snowbank. So far I've been successful - but it snowed again last night...

So there ya go. All the exciting news that's fit to print. And now.... outward into the frozen tundra where I hopefully will not get my car stuck in my own yard. Amen.

I'm SO tempted!

So here I sit sipping spiced hot apple cider (thank you Keurig), christmas tunes playing and not the jingly kind. I really like an acoustic guitar kind of mood. I've got the colored lights lit and it's definitely white outside. I'd have a fire, but the way to the firewood is blocked with too much snow for me to fight with since it hasn't stopped snowing all weekend. And it's cold. And I'm bored.

So that's where the temptation part comes from ::laughing:: I'm sittin' here all warm and cozy and festive and all - and just in the other room is my pile of presents from me to me - just waiting for Christmas morn.... ::laughing:: but I'm tryin' to be strong :)

Monday update: ok, so I opened one. :)

Is it weird...

Gracie waitin' for me to wake up

... that I've saved a few of my dad's phone messages over the past few months... and I keep playing them just to hear his voice?

I miss the hell out of that ornery old man and it's still hard to believe he's actually gone - but then again - for the ugly way he was disrespected up to, during and after his death... I hope he's resting. That man, if ever there was one, deserved to rest.

But I don't think he is. Yet.

That's all I have to say today.

Coffee Bonanza!

Yowzaa, that was the fastest Q delivery in history, but my new Keurig arrived today. I have one at work too, but I wore the home model out (so obviously, I highly recommend these babies). Besides, I needed a different color.

But here's the thing.. I may have, um, over estimated how many k-cups I already had at home, bought some more at the store today not knowing the machine would be here yet, the machine came with 24 cups and a certificate to buy 2 boxes and get 2 free. And I have a couple dozen in my drawer at work. Plus the premium coffee that doesn't come in those little cups ::laughing::

I think I should be all set for a little while *grin*. But NOW... you see.. this leads to a whole 'nother project. Because my kitchen drawer can no longer function as the junk drawer. It now needs to be the k-cup/coffee drawer 'cuz where else I'm gonna store these little suckers (those little carousels are just stupid lookin') I don't know and there's also all the little doo-dads to my espresso machine that need a home. So that's my project for sometime before weekend. Can't wait to see what treasures I'm gonna find in that drawer... and where the heck am I gonna put THAT stuff???? I'm a nut case. I know.

But the important thing.. my coffee zen has been restored and all is right with the world ;) And if ya need a good cup of coffee.. come on over... I share :)

It is my 50th birthday

And I shall be self indulgent with my post. At least I can have that. I have the means to do anything or go anywhere or buy anything.. but I want for nothing. And it's raining out. But I have cocktails and because I'm a grown up I can start happy hour any damn time I WANT to! And I proclaim the time is NOW !!!

It doesn't help that I am, for all intents and purposes, an orphan now. A 50 year old orphan. What can I make of that? I don't know either, but that doesn't mean i'm gonna stop tryin' to do the right thing - cuz that's all that really makes me happy. Well, that and feedin' people who really LIKE my cookin' *grin*.

I may add to the post as the day goes on. It's a sick day. Who can be well enough to work on a day when they freakin' turn 50? But I know, I heard something the other day, can't remember it exactly, but somethin' like 50 is the old age of the young, and the young age of the old.

And I am blessed. It's still a miracle to me how I made it past my 20's... let alone the 30's - and my 40's were just plain stolen. But here I am and it surely wasn't all my own doin'. Amen.

PS - Dear Retirement Board - please note I have reached the required age and DO have my thirty years of service. I'd really appreciate a letter from you about now....

You've got to be kidding me....

I swear I don't know how this happened but at some point today - I started feelin' festive. And the festive grew and grew and grew - just like that Grinchy little heart. Although in my particular case, it wasn't that the heart was too small... I swear I've cleaned and steamed and polished and shopped online. I've put out new candles and a few lights and shiny things.

It's snowing some kind of little ice pellets out there and the wind is whipping. I hear guns from the crazy hunters in the woods. Took my life in my hands just to go out and grab the mail and the Diet Pepsi out of the car without wearing orange... Just sayin'.

And now to take it over the top I'm gonna put on some loud Christmas tunes and run a hot and herbalicious (Free Willie Nelson) bubble bath (::laughing::).

And I'm just gonna chill out for a while and practice the fine art of learning how to just "enjoy the moment". Amen.

And so... let us talk of more pleasant things

I have a job to do. Eat. Oh my Lord.. what WAS I thinkin'? I am just one without a very big appetite these days and the next day turkey "smash" sandwich was fine. The smash is my traditional version, Miracle whip, turkey, cranberry sauce and sm00shed up sweet potato on wheat bread. I gotta have it. But I've had enough and I think the other half of Mr. Turkey breast is gonna go live in the freezer.

Cuz. Uh... see... for some reason and because it was on sale, I also happened to purchase a good size bag of frozen cocktail shrimp Wednesday night after work. However, I forgot. And it thawed nicely on the counter over night. And ya can't - refreeze shrimp.. so that's a whole lotta shrimpy goodness for one girl -' specially when every little shrimpy nugget has to go along with it's own little cocktail sauce/cream cheese/triscuit cracker combo. Now if only I could work up an appetite for such a thing... ::laughing::

And yes, I AM drinkin' a double shot mocha latte as we speak... why do you ask??? ::laughing:: My faithful Keurig just broke down but don't panic! The Q was called and arrangements were made for a quick replacement. Peace will soon reign. As soon as I come down off this caffeine buzzzz. But I am gettin' a lot done today. Actually, I'm feelin' almost festive. Just sayin'.

And I am blessed.

Tick Tock

Yes, another morning. I'm waiting to hear if dads little dog (my banner) made it through the night, but I fear not. Little Rusty boy was in a bad way yesterday and was probably gettin' anxious to get back to my dad. They were constant companions and that little dog always followed dad everywhere. We don't really know cuz he's so old the vet lost his records ;) but I'd have to say he's about 16 - so it really is time - but sad just the same. 'Course, that might just be because I haven't stopped bein' sad since October 20, 2010. just sayin.

Anyway... hope you all had a fine Turkey day. I cooked a little meal just cuz it seemed like the right thing to do. And it was good. Of course. *grin* But I'm SO ready for the weekend.

Wondering.

After so many years and name changes - is this the time to finally end this blog?