Saturday, March 5, 2011

Just puttin' it out there

I'm in a strange state today, friends. That hearing yesterday was absolutely brutal. At the suggestion of my WORK, I put in for disability retirement two years ago... and I thought this hearing was the end of it one way or the other. Not so much.

I had to sit there, in front of a judge, state lawyer and court reporter, and listen in on a conference call to a psychiatrist I've never met. And what HE did is read off an entire history of everything that has happened to me medically since the surgery... I swear that he even read things that I had only confided to therapists, and many things I had somehow finally managed to forget. Yeah, thanks for that. And I had to sit there and say nothing as he talked about how close I had come to dying, ventilators, the coma, that the doctor said funeral arrangements should be started... from there to how it took a year to recover and absolutely everything in between. And he talked over and over about having to work in the same place and seeing all the medical stuff, white coats etc... would naturally only make the PTSD worse. Uh duh. Seems like I've been trying to tell people that.

And all I could do is sit and listen. It IS all the truth, but so hard to hear again in such detail from someone I don't even know! And he sure as HELL stirred up many, many more memories than I'd care to have right now. And he even DARED to question why I didn't sue the hospital!!!!!

And there I had not only a letter from MY doctor saying that work has failed to accommodate and medically I can not take more medications than I am now and I should get this retirement, I ALSO had a letter from the HR guy at work who was kind enough - and just for my asking (snide joke there) was happy to write a letter of recommendation only a few days ago. Imagine that!

But they would not look at nor allow them because, unbeknowst to me... this was a hearing so the state lawyer could cross examine these docs. WTF??

Anyway... you can see where my head is at should future posts occur. Be warned.

PS. I should say though, and how could I forget this part? But it seems like I'm gonna get the disability retirement. The state cross examination and all that went on was hard to hear, but helpful for me and the Judge came right out and said so. The judge was definitely on my side and told me what papers to send in next... and told me he HAS awarded the cause to people based on those papers - can't for the life of me remember what they are. But anyway.... it's gonna be some real hard work for a minute - but it'll all be ok. Amen.


Sheepish Annie said...

Wow. That had to be brutal. I can't even imagine... But I'm glad to hear that you have a sympathetic judge. That sounds hopeful!

Becky said...

That had to be brutal. On the positive side, a doctor you've never met proved exactly what you're asserting. You cannot continue to work there. I hope and pray that this is settled in your favor in the near future, my friend. *hugs*